A Lesson from Mum.

Stephanie Elizabeth Winter (Nee Kinnard)

I must start by thanking all of you for your support, family, friends, colleges and especially the staff of Laurel 3; your care, kindness and humanity exceeded all our expectations. Thank you.

Over these past nine months’ “Life” has become very real for me. From the moment I understood Mum had Leukaemia, the distractions in everyday life faded away. It was like someone had turned the volume down and all you are left with is reality. You can not run and hide forever from reality, there is no use in screaming or stamping your feet it won’t change a thing. By facing reality together we found many moments of joy and learned many lessons. She did not grumble or show any fear; she lived day by day and did all she could for anyone who need her help. That bit, between being diagnosed and dying is called living and she did, right to the last.

Where did she find the strength and courage? Mum did not consider herself particularly strong or courageous, William Shakespeare wrote: - “The difference between heaven and hell is in the thinking.” A simple sentence but it is only with the clarity of the past few months and almost thirty-five years of Mum teaching me (She had patience too!) that I might finally understand how.

Do your best without fuss, be honest with yourself and express yourself honestly. Listen to, understand and respect the responses of others. Remember that most people will treat you as you treat them, even the scary ones.

Living this way is can be hard, Mum made mistakes in life, we all do and will, but she understood that it is far easier to forgive an honest mistake, and as important, it is easier to forgive yourself. This life is too short for squabbling or clinging to guilt. Mum use to say to me, “It does not matter to anyone else what You believe, What matters is Your conduct. Just do Your best, there is no need for any heroics.”

There is an old saying “The good guy never wins.” Well if wining is climbing over others in the pursuit of treasure, then the good guy will never win. But what if winning is being surrounded by a loving family and friends, like Mum was. Then the good guy will always win! And when Death smiles at you, as he surely will, you are able to smile right back without guilt or regret.

Steph has done so much for all of us over the years, how can it be fair that she should be taken from us so soon? I have struggled with this one, the pain and loss is real and raw. Weather you are of faith, agnostic or atheist I hope one of these answers will help. Either this universe, nature, everything was created purely by chance, in which case we were astonishingly lucky to have been touched by Her at all, or even be here for that matter. Every moment here is precious. Or, She has been promoted, buy a powerful, loving, creative force and if this is true, who are we to stand in Her way?

Mum would leave this choice to you.